Leaving an Abusive Relationship with Children

This entry was written on Oct 07, 2008 by Barbara Gibson

Leaving an abusive relationship is often a process that feels like a journey rather than a short trip. The challenges of leaving can feel even more daunting when you are leaving with children. Use the following tips to create a little comfort along the road to safety.

1. Whether you are going to a safehouse, staying with friends or family, try as best you can to maintain your regular routine. Children should still be expected to go to school (even if that means transferring for safety reasons), do homework and chores, stick to bed time, etc.

2. If it is safe get some familiar things to take with you. Favorite storybooks, toys, CD's, sweatshirts and the like can be a great comfort in strange, new surroundings.

3. Give age appropriate explanations for why you are leaving home. Young children, especially, may ask many times to go home. Let your child know you understand how she feels. Allow him to talk about what he misses.

4. Some children may not talk about their feelings. Help them understand what they are experiencing by using reflective listening - "it sounds like you're saying...," "it sounds like you feel..."

5. Communicate as much as you are comfortable sharing with teachers and other caregivers.

6. Take good care of yourself. When your emotional resources are low it can be tough to be the kind of parent you really to be.

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Here is more information that i got from some of my research and i wanted to post it as i see it as i am not an expert in the field. Please if you know somebody in an abusive relationship, write this information down and pass it a alone to her. Make sure it's not on paper as her abuser can find it and... that could be the end.

The process of leaving an abusive relationship is difficult and dangerous. Safety is the primary concern. Even if you do not think your partner poses a risk, leaving often triggers an increase in violence. It is best to prepare as much as you can ahead of time.

Ask a friend or family member to keep items you gather to take with you. Make sure the person you choose will not tell your abuser about your plans to leave. Do not take anything that will be noticed as missing.

Things to Stash Away:

• Money
• Contact information for a local domestic violence shelter
• Prescribed medications
• Legal documents for you and your children (e.g. birth certificates, social security cards)
• Photographs or written evidence of the abuse
• Financial records and account numbers
• Personal belongings possessing sentimental value
• Clothing and personal needs

Things to Arrange:

• A plan that safely removes yourself and you children from the home
• Transportation for yourself, children and belongings
• A safe place to stay
• How to manage being gone from home for an extended time
• Referral to a lawyer or legal advocate to obtain a personal protection order, temporary child custody order, etc.

Abusive Relationship Guide

Have you ever been called names such as ugly, fat, stupid, dirty or other similar labels by your husband? Is your husband upset whenever you spend time with friends or family? Have you ever found yourself being afraid that he might leave you, causing you conform to his requests and act in ways that he desires? Do you find that you are suffering from back pain that is unexplained? Have you started actually believing that maybe he is right and you are actually, ugly, fat, stupid, dirty?

I am sorry to tell you this but you are probably in an abusive relationship.

Here is some information that i gathered for you to look at and see if you are in that situation or if you might know somebody in this situation. What you learn here could save your life or the life of another woman.
Here is an image that i found that sums it up:

Type of Abuse:
POWER and CONTROL

Abusers believe they have a right to control their partners by:

• Telling them what to do and expecting obedience

• Using force to maintain power and control over partners

• Feeling their partners have no right to challenge their desire for power and control

• Feeling justified making the victim comply

• Blaming the abuse on the partner and not accepting responsibility for wrongful acts.

ISOLATION

• limiting outside involvement

• making another avoid people/friends/family by deliberately embarrassing or humiliating them in front of others

• expecting another to report every move and activity

• restricting use of the car

• moving residences

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

• putting another down/name-calling

• ignoring or discounting activities and accomplishments

• withholding approval or affection

• making another feel as if they are crazy in public or through private humiliation

• unreasonable jealousy and suspicion

• playing mind games

ECONOMIC ABUSE

• preventing another from getting or keeping a job

• withholding funds

• spending family income without consent and/or making the partner struggle to pay bills

• not letting someone know of or have access to family/personal income

• forcing someone to ask for basic necessities

INTIMIDATION

• driving recklessly to make another feel threatened or endangered

• destroying property or cherished possessions

• making another afraid by using looks/actions/gestures

• throwing objects as an expression of anger to make another feel threatened

• displaying weapons

USING CHILDREN or PETS

• threatening to take the children away

• making the partner feel guilty about the children

• abusing children or pets to punish the partner

• using the children to relay messages

USING PRIVILEDGE

• treating another like a servant

• making all the big decisions

• being the one to define male and female roles

• acting like the master or queen of the castle

SEXUAL ABUSE

• sex on demand or sexual withholding

• physical assaults during sexual intercourse

• spousal rapes or non-consensual sex

• sexually degrading language

• denying reproductive freedom

THREATS

• threats of violence against significant third parties

• threats to commit physical or sexual harm

• threats to commit property destruction

• threats to commit suicide or murder

PHYSICAL ABUSE

• biting/scratching

• slapping/punching

• kicking/stomping

• throwing objects at another

• locking another in a closet or utilizing other confinement

• sleep interference and/or deliberately exhausting the partner with unreasonable demands and lack of rest

• deprivation of heat or food

• shoving another down steps or into objects

• assaults with weapons such as knives/guns/other objects

Expectations, Expectations, Expectations

Who ever has been a parent knows that you have lots of responsibilities. You have work, kids, chores, bills, appointments, and more and more and more. But where does your marriage fit in? it's easy to get cut up in all the work that we have as women and mothers and therefore neglect our marriage. Women, hear up, there are major repercussions for doing so.

Your marriage is the nucleus of the family, and it's like an anchor that holds the home and it's surrounding in place. Many parent (well, many mothers) tend to put their kids before their marriage more often than not. Your children will benefit greatly from a strong relationship between you and your husband. They will learn that marriage relationship is a priority in the family life. We model to our kids what a marriage is and what it should be like.

If the marriage relationship is not given the effort and attention required, our life and time can destroys it until the husband and wife are left with nothing to build or grow on.

The Beauty of Fighting

Many couples fight, it's natural (as long as it's not abusive!!!) what makes or breaks a marriage is how you and your partner resolve your conflicts. Don't ignore your husband, it's not a solution and your children will do the same. It's like having cancer, you cannot ignore it and think that it will resolve itself. R...esolving a conflic brings a relationship to higher levels.

If you fight next to the kids make sure you make up next to the kids (i am talking about talking it trough). You will teach THEM HOW TO RESOLVE A CONFLICT and they will do it with their paretners. You have given them the success of communication.

Expectation

(most likley) Every mother of 2 children will tell you that she has expected more from her first born then her second. I know for sure that i did! Now that my baby is the same age that my twins were when he was born i realize i was expecting too much off the two of them. Here are few suggestions about setting realistic expectation for your child (ivillage.com):

Research proves a powerful determiner of kids' success is the kind of expectations their parents set. Expecting too little limits kids' success because they're robbed from trying new possibilities. Unrealistic expectations are also damaging: “Why didn't you get all A's?” “How did you not make the team?” “You got a 98%- which two did you miss?” and ... may be misinterpreted as, “You're not good enough.” These four questions help ensure expectations gently stretch kids' potential to become their best without pushing them to be more than they can be:

* Developmentally appropriate. Is your child developmentally ready for the tasks you're requiring or are you pushing him beyond his internal timetable? Learn what's appropriate for your child's age, but still keep in mind that developmental guidelines are not etched in stone. It's always best to start from where your child is.
* Realistic. Is my expectation fair and reasonable, or am I expecting too much? Realistic expectations stretch kids to aim higher, without pushing them beyond their capabilities. Be careful of setting too high of standards. Putting your kid in too difficult of situations, puts him at the risk of failing and lowering his feelings of competence. Aim for “one step more.”
* Child's goal, not yours. Is what you're expecting something your child wants, or is it something you want for yourself? We all want our kids to be successful, but we have to constantly be wary of setting goals for our kids that are our dreams, and not those of our kids.
* Success oriented. Are you sending the kind of expectations that tell your child you believe he's responsible, reliable, and worthy? Effective expectations encourage kids to be their best, so that they can develop a solid belief in themselves.

Holly Thoughts and Love Making-A learning experience

At least 4-5 women in the last 4 years have told me about this issue: “Shirli, how can I enjoy sex with my husband when i have to have “Holly Thoughts” and that kills the mood?”

A former friend of mine just told me about her story; when trying to conceive, she, a good frum was also having Holly Thoughts during sex and having a hard time enjoying making love to her husband. Naively I asked her what are Holly Thoughts (I did not want to admit to her that I know about the problem but never thought to look into it), and she told me that Holly Thoughts are thoughts (she thought) about Tzadikim, important people in the Jewish religion, G-d… That’s what she used to think.

I have to admit that I laughed inside and wondered: It is SO difficult for most women to have an orgasm during sex, how can she get there if she is thinking about other men??? Especially when trying to conceive!?!? (Girls, don’t be surprised, 80% of women CANNOT HAVE AN ORGAZAM during vaginal intercourse).

But, luckily she looked into it she found out that Holly Thoughts when trying to conceive are thoughts about the beauty of your marriage, the love for your husband, the possibility of creating a human being inside of you…

You get the point.

It made sense! So few days ago when I received an email from another wonderful lady asking about this issue for the 6^th time, I decided to contact the Yoatzot at yoatzot.com and ask them about the issue and… girls here is what they said!

(I made few comments bellow in Blue)

ANSWER


Yes, our approach to holiness during relations is much like that suggested by the rabbi you mention (that Holly Thoughts are about each other, not people outside the marriage).

Holiness during relations is of the type which seeks to elevate our most physical activities, so that even when engaged in them, we are not purely animal. For example, we make blessings before and after eating, rather than just tearing into our food. The beracha on a food does not interfere with the pleasure we take in eating. Rather, it adds to the pleasure the emotional and intellectual pleasure of awareness that G-d has granted it to us, that food is a gift.

But sexual relations can be more holy because we have an emotional and spiritual connection to our spouses, because our sexual pleasure is heightened when we give pleasure, because the act is reciprocal. In other words, what is holy about sexual relations is not the physical fitting together, or the extent or duration of pleasure, but that these physical elements are ultimately an expression of connection and love. To enhance the holiness of relations, the first step is not to worry about holiness, but to focus emotionally on each other. Every moment of pleasure granted or received that is recognized as an act of love specifically directed at each other is inherently a holy moment!

When a couple is attempting to conceive, there is also the holiness of human creative endeavor, of turning our drives towards a form of emulating God.

For further reading, we have copied below an article by Rabbi Avraham Peretz Friedman, which appears on our website for kallot. You can find further discussion in his book Marital Intimacy, which has our highest recommendation. (To obtain copies of Marital Intimacy, contact Compass Books / P.O.Box 3091 / Linden, NJ 07036.)

By Rabbi Avraham Peretz Friedman

In an effort to counter the sexual excesses of the society surrounding us, contemporary Torah literature has tended to focus on the negative aspects of this powerful drive. Limitation and restraint are indeed crucial in a Jewish marriage. However, it is not correct to completely reject all aspects of the sexual drive. In its own way, renunciation of the sexual element of life is no less contrary to the Torah's philosophy than is the world's obsessive preoccupation with sex. The goal of this lesson is to present a balanced Torah attitude toward intimacy in the context of marriage at times when the wife is tehorah.

How does the Torah understand the enjoyment of physical pleasures?

The Torah does not subscribe to the notion of an irreconcilable struggle between the physical and the spiritual, and is, in fact, unequivocal in its rejection of this philosophy. On the contrary, the Torah maintains that, if used properly, the physical becomes an indispensable aid in achieving spiritual greatness. This is accomplished in two ways:

First, physical activity is much more effective at impressing an idea into the soul than intellectual contemplation alone could be. Almost every mitzvah involves using some element of the physical world to serve God. Our job is to take the gifts of this world and elevate them to the heights of holiness. The Shabbat, for example, is sanctified over a cup of wine - words alone will not suffice.

Second, the Torah views the enjoyment of physical pleasure as desirable, since each pleasure provides an opportunity to feel and express gratitude to the One who created and provided this enjoyment.

The Torah's view of pleasure differs dramatically from that prevalent in Western society. Western society prizes pleasure and directs much of its energy, imagination, and resources to its pursuit. Obligations and responsibilities are viewed as the price one must sometimes pay for pleasure.

The Torah also values pleasure – but with a significant difference. Duties and responsibilities are not the inevitable "cost" of pleasure. Rather, pleasure is a welcome by-product that accompanies the proper fulfillment of many of our God-given obligations. In such instances, pleasure introduces a duty (in fact, an opportunity) to feel and express gratitude to the Giver of all pleasures. But pleasure is not primary – our responsibilities to God are.

The Torah's view of sexuality is a perfect illustration of the general Torah attitude toward the physical world and its pleasures. Physical relations between a husband and wife are meant to be pleasurable. Having marital relations is a fulfillment of two separate mitzvot – pru ur'vu (procreation) and onah (marital intimacy itself).

Pru ur'vu and Onah are the paradigm mitzvot because they reflect the uniquely Jewish approach to sanctifying the physical world through mitzvah observance. These mitzvot are the most dramatic examples of the phenomenon of elevating the physical world to the heights of the spiritual in that the element of the physical world which these mitzvot hallow is the one most susceptible to abuse and lack of sanctity.

What is the Torah's attitude towards sexual intimacy?

There is a widespread misconception that the Torah views sexual intimacy as inherently negative. According to this notion, God instilled within us a desire for sexual intimacy only to ensure the propagation of the human race. Thus, the Torah permits marital intimacy. But since this is, at best, an uneasy compromise, it is carefully circumscribed. This antipathy is expressed, for example, through the Torah's stringent niddah laws which significantly restrict sexual contact between husband and wife. Similarly, the halachot that regulate marital intimacy seek, as much as possible, to minimize and direct attention away from the enjoyment of the sexual act itself.

This line of thinking is patently false and fundamentally non-Jewish. It is true that the Torah views procreation as a central aspect of marital intimacy. But it is also clear from many statements in both the Written and Oral Torah, and from the relevant halachot, that this is not the only purpose of intimacy. The halacha, for example, protects a woman's right to sexual satisfaction in situations where pregnancy is clearly not an objective or a possible outcome. A pregnant woman, a nursing woman, and a woman physically incapable of conceiving are all afforded the same protection by the Torah as the woman whose potential to conceive is at a maximum.

Furthermore, the rules of niddah are seen in traditional sources as enhancing the intimate relationship in marriage, not as negating it. For example, Rabbi Meir states that the monthly separation of niddah makes a woman as beloved to her husband as she was when she entered the chupah. By limiting (but not eliminating) the times when husband and wife can share physical intimacy, the Torah fans the flames of desire between them so that, at every reunion, their joy resembles that felt on the wedding day itself, many years ago. The laws of niddah protect a couple from the overindulgence and overfamiliarity that can quickly lead to jading, dissatisfaction, disgust, and restlessness.

Without a successful reunion, the niddah laws are incomplete, their potential unrealized, their purpose subverted and frustrated, their promise stillborn. Meticulous observance of niddah finds its purpose and completion in the exuberant observance of onah, and the enjoyment derived from the experience of marital intimacy is heightened and magnified immeasurably by the abstinence and restraint that niddah requires.

Note that Rabbi Meir did not state, "so there will be the same sexual passion and desire as when they went to the chupah"; instead, he recalls the love of that first wedding day. What is the connection between the pleasure of physical union and the emotion of love?

The term for this most intimate relationship between a couple is "devek" (lit., union, attachment). The Torah commands: "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and cling ("davak") to his wife" (Bereshit 2:24). Rashi states that pleasure produces devek (Sanhedrin 58a,b). In the Torah view, the pleasure of marital intimacy serves the positive function of maximizing the attachment between husband and wife.

The Ramban's commentary on davak (Bereshit 2:24) emphasizes that marriage will cause an emotional, not just physical, union between husband and wife. The desire to enhance emotional closeness accounts for the halacha’s disapproval of certain behaviors such as thinking about another when having relations with one’s spouse, having relations when one is drunk, or having relations without mutual consent. In these situations, physical pleasure has been divested of the emotional component which would produce devek. That is exactly what the Torah does not want.

On the other hand, sexual sanctity, transforming the experience from a physical act of sexual self-gratification to a spiritual act of selfless concern and consideration, is best obtained through maximizing the pleasure of one's spouse during intimacy.

This lesson is a brief overview of an exceedingly complex, multifaceted subject.

If you would like to ask a follow-up question, please browse to http://www.yoatzot.org/ask.php and submit youir question on the web page.

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Found it!

I was looking at this passage from the book The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Schlessinger that fit what i wrote below. Would love to hear what you think.

"What attracts men to women is their femininity, and femininity isn't only about appearance, it's also about behaviors. Looking womanly and behaving sweetly and flirtatiously are gifts wives give to their husbands. This gift communicates that the husband is seen as a man, not just a fix-it guy, the breadwinner, or the spern donor. And if it's romancing a wife is hungering for, presenting oneself as an appealing "woman" will get more romancing than presenting oneself as only a child-care worker, or house cleaner, or the other wage earner."

Loving yourself again

Many women, once they get married and have children stop taking care of themselves. No more combing their hair, putting make up, shaving their legs, wearing something sexy to bed, BUT!!!!!!!!! THEY STILL EXPECT TO BE ROMANCED.

I am not here to tell women to do all of the above and your husband will end up romancing you. That is not the case! What I AM saying is that once women get married and have kids they often forget to take care of themselves.

Childbearing can defiantly be brutal to the body and many of us hate their body after having our little ones (and therefore refusing to have sex with their husband, but that will be a different topic). You are not alone and it’s not a reason to stop caring for yourself. It is simple, your man fell in love with you because of how you looked, how you smelled, your confidence, your smile, and most importantly YOU. I have yet to find a man who married his wife because she had an awesome body only. Yet, a lot of women think that they are not romanced anymore because they got married. What they do not realize is that they often send mix messages to their husband which tells them to… DO NOT GET NEAR ME.

You are the only one who can make yourself feel sexy again even with sagging breast/stomach, stretch marks and dark circles under the eyes because of a sick baby last night. Girls, it’s in your head! Your man will want you because you are taking care of yourself, you are feeling it, and you love yourself.

I am a believer of getting a little external help. Go out to Victoria’s Secret (or even TARGET!!!) and buy yourself few cute bras and underwear. I have ALWAYS found that when women wear sexy underwear they feel sexy. You can continue wearing the same skirt and shirt that you wore yesterday BUT… you now have a secret under your clothes and it often helps your mood. It’s always fun to share your secret with your husband who I am sure would love to watch you shine.

Using the "I" Statment

I think one of the most important lessons i have learned during my Master's studies was the "I" Statement. It took a while getting used to but today it's a natural thing to do.
Often we want to express our feelings to our husband (or any family member) and we state it as a fact that is really just our subjective viewpoint. It can alienate people from us because their experience may not be the same as ours.

For example: If I say: it's impossible living in this house, you are not helping me at all!!!

Your husband may not have such a dim view of the house and may feel quite offended that you made such a statement.
I can promise you that such a situation will most likely lead to a disconnection and distancing between you and your husband as it creates a win/lose dynamic. Someone must be 'right' if the views are portrayed as facts. Therefore... someone must be wrong, and... girls you know most of the time... it ain't gonna be you.
If, instead I were to use 'I' statements, I could say it this way:

I find it really difficult living in this house, I think that It would be nice if you would help a little more and our house would feel warmer and nicer to live in.

In using the 'I'-statement, you are not alienating your husband, nor introducing an interpersonal conflict to the already difficult situation. I am accepting ownership of my experience and acknowledging that it may not be one that is shared by him.

Using an 'I' statement acknowledges that the viewpoint is our own and not necessarily a fact about the situation. Nobody can take away what you are feeling, but you can say it in a way that is constructive, and you will be able to get what you want out of it. You do not want to offend, you want to get something positive out of it... after all you do need help.

Love this!

Ok, it's been a little serious until now, but i cannot help myself and i have to share with you these cute bands. I think once in a while i will share with you items that i love!
I just received it form one of the buyers that i am working with as a sample (she actually sent me 2 bands and a hat), and... i have to tell you, it is so so so cute! My little girl gets so many compliments from people who see it! This is not my girl but... i think you will enjoy them anyway!

You can get them here Mommy and Kids Allure Boutique

The Reminder of Texting your Husband Notes

You are probably wondering why i mention so many times to: "Not forget to text your husband".
You see... if you want to make things a habit you have to make it happen at least 30 days in a row. I am not expecting you to do it everyday for 30 days but once every few days is just enough.
I had a comment from a fan on our Facebook page Women of Chabad that said:
"I always send the best love notes, and I never get one...."

Man love romance but they often show it in a different way than we expect. They are the practical kind of romantic! Hes probably doing things to make you happy, but not in an emotional/physical way that women believe is... Love. It's no that your husband stopped courting you, but they are actually doing it in a different way.
I will give you an example of a client i worked with in the past. She told me that she expect romace in her life, flowers, expensive dates, etc... you get the point.
When i continued pocking her with questions this is what she came with: he does the dishes, he takes out the trash, he is very patience in bed, he kisses her when she does not expect (sometimes when he thinks she is asleep), he works hard in his job so she can raise the kids and stay home with them, he gives her most of the space in their bathroom, he is nice to her mom eventought she can be difficult at times, He gets up first when the baby cries, makes special dinners... and the list goes on.

One advice to all of you girls who do not feel her man romances her: Avoid books, TV shows, magazines that describe what marriage, family, and husband ought to be like!


How does your man romances you???

Today in History: November 30th

Always loved to look back and see what had happened to us in the past, here is what i found:

1947 November 30, WAR OF INDEPENDENCE (Eretz Israel)

This day marks the beginning of the first stage of the Israeli War of Independence as a bus near Lydda (Lod) was attacked and five of its passengers killed. The Arabs proclaimed a general strike and attacked the commercial quarter near the Old City of Jerusalem. This stage, fought mostly against local Arabs with some foreign help, ended May 15, 1948, when the British left the country. The second stage of the war began on May 16, and was fought against regular Arab armies. This ended on July 20, 1949, with the signing of a cease fire agreement with Syria.

Trying to concevie and your relationship

Who ever has tried conceiving for more then 6 months can tell you how anxiety provoking it can be. Many couples feel surprised that they cannot conceive and for a very long time they may even deny that they are having any problems. Both of you may feel isolated from the other and from their friends who... off course are effortlessly having babies (or your think).
I would start with, you are not alone!
Here are some numbers I found on the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

• Number of married women ages 15-44 that are infertile (unable to get pregnant for at least 12 consecutive months): 2.1 million
• Percent of married women ages 15-44 that are infertile: 7.4%
• Number of women ages 15-44 who have ever used infertility services: 7.3 million

... but, whoever has tryed for over 6 months can tell you that she can care less about those statistics. You want that baby and you want it now. Looking back at my situation, any pregnant women who walked around me was a reminder that... I may never be a mom.

My first advise for women who are trying to conceive is to not tell anybody. You are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and your partner. I would read a little more about when you ovulate
and I would be open with my husband about how i feel (He is probably feeling the same feelings that you are feeling). The reason why i say to look into the exact time that you ovulate is because making a baby can get tiring. Many couples actually say it becomes a job and they stop enjoying the act of making love. You can only get pregnant 2-3 days during the month (that's it!), so making sure you work on it during those days! You can look into getting an Ovulation kit if you are not sure about when you ovulate.

I can tell you that if you are able to connect with your husband during this difficult time, your relationship will be made stronger and will bring you closer. Try to support each other and DO NOT 'BLAME' the other. Promise, it will take you NO WHERE!!! Your partner will never forget it.

Showing your partner that you love them and care for them is very important during this time.

OFF COURSE ASK YOUR DOCTOR FIRST, BUT MOST LIKELY if you are less then 35 years old, your doctor will make you wait at least a year (of trying) before recommending to look into it further. If you are 35+ they usually ask you to wait 6 months.

if you need somebody to talk too, you can contact me womenofchabad@gmail.com

Infertility Demonstration Program-New York

Are you a resident of New York?

You might be eligible to get 1-2 FREE In-Vitro Fertilization cycles.

Who qualifies for this program? Enrollment criteria are simple. A woman needs to be a New York State resident with a diagnosis of infertility who is at least 21 years of age, but not older than 44, has private health insurance that either does not cover IVF or whose insurance benefits for IVF have been exhausted, and be an acceptable candidate with a likelihood of a successful outcome, and have no medical contraindications for pregnancy. If qualified, patients pay a cost share amount, based on their total household income level, ranging from 2.5 percent of the total costs to 97.5 percent of the costs.

Contact: NYS Infertility Demonstration Program

Know of a good Doctor who deals with issues of infertility?

If you are in the State of New York (Manhattan Area), from NYU Dr. Jamie Grifo.
He is Jewish, understands the ways of Halacha and he is GOOD. Do not expect him to be nice, but he will (most likely) give you a baby!

James A Grifo M.D., Ph.D

Help a women and share with us a doctor that you know that you, your friend, sister... have used. You might help bring a miracle baby into this world.

A Note to Women of Chabad

Dear Woman of Chabad,

My name is Shirli and I am a Marriage and Family Therapist. I have started this Facebook group because I am extremely dedicated to educating and advising of Lubavitch women in matters of intimacy and marriage. No, I am not "Frum" like you but I have had many clients and friends that are and I have a good understanding of your lifestyle, and the pre marriage education that you received in "Kallah classes". I would like to take over where your Kallah teacher left off. Now that you are married I am sure that you have issues in your marriage that you would love to discuss but you are too embarrassed to speak to your mom, sister, or friends about such private personal matters. That is where I come in. In this group you will be able to ask questions anonymously and I will guide you to the best of my ability. This is NOT therapy, this is guidance. Obviously I am not a Rav and I do not know every halacha but you should ask your Rav to clarify that I am advising you correctly. In addition I know many of you could share your experiences with each other on this page which could benefit your friend in making them a better mother, better wife and most importantly a woman who feels content. This group is open to women ONLY, I want this place to be a safe place for you.
Sincerely Yours, Shirli