Triangular theory of love

When couples come to see me with relational difficulties, i first create my triangle. Yes a triangle. I call it the triangle of marriage or by it's original name: Tiangular Theory of Love by psychologist Robert Sternberg. The way Sternberg evaluated the “amount” of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of the following three components; the “type” of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other.

Intimacy – feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
Passion – drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation.
Commitment – the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other.

the theory is relevant to the development of relationships over time. For example, before meeting another person the three components of love would be absent (nonlove). After meeting, liking may develop (intimacy). Perhaps some degree of commitment develops also, suggesting companionate love. If passion develops as well, then full consummate love has flowered. A sudden burst of passion and commitment may develop from an initial meeting. Fatuous love seems an appropriate name for such instant, committed attraction. Perhaps a full consummate relationship loses its passion and intimacy, but retains strong commitment. The concept of empty love captures this situation well.

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