Postpartum Depression and Me...

After a VERY difficult pregnancy and delivery with Yahav (my youngest) i knew i need to worry about postpartum depression. I was worried that i would not be able to bond with him, love him and/or be able to take care of him (or my twins that were only 1.9 years old).
So for 9 months i pretended that i was ok. I was n...ot sad, i did not cry, but I WAS ANGRY. And when i say angry, i mean angry. I was angry that i had a very difficult pregnancy, i was angry at my body that "betrayed" me, i was angry at the doctors who did not care for my well being, i was angry at my husband, i was angry at my twins, i was ANGRY ALL THE TIME. The only thing that gave me hope was my newborn; i was in love with him.
So wrongly i thought that i was not depressed. I thought that because i was not sad or did not cry all the time, or like you often hear i did not have an issue with bonding with my newborn, I was not depressed.
I remember the day my friend B.T. called me. B.T knew me (well) from Einstein university, where my husband got his MD degree. An orthodox Jewish couple whom introduced me and my husband the religious side of Judaism. After few minutes of speaking to my friend she said this to me: "Shirli, you are not ok, i remember after a very difficult pregnancy with the twins, being in bed since 8.5 weeks of pregnancy, being in a lot of pain, severe preeclampsia, difficult delivery, 6 weeks in Neonatal Intense of Care Unit AND when i told you that you had it difficult, you told me: 'it could have been worse.'"
At that moment while on the phone with my friend i realized, i was suffering from postpartum depression... and I needed help.